In a world where the hustle and bustle of life makes it almost impossible to slow down, it's important for women to work on owning our needs. Needs that likely have been pushed aside due to our own beliefs about what "we should" be doing. Our artificial life in the "land of shoulds" needs to stop. You need to embrace what you feel like YOUR needs are.

As women, we are particularly vulnerable to putting ourselves last. You're probably reading this thinking, "there's no possible way I can do that" and there in lies the problem. Why is it that when we need to take care of ourselves the most we are the last to consider our needs? We need to fill our cup before we can fill anyone else's, in other words how can we care for others effectively if we can't care for ourselves? I'll admit I'm the first to struggle with this. Often when life feels completely overwhelming, the idea of doing something for myself isn't even a consideration, but over the course of the past five years and after becoming a parent I've come to realize that by not taking care of myself, I'm not living my best life or giving people the best of me.

​Self-care can look like many, many different things and I'm sure you're thinking here's where she's going to impart a list of five things that will utterly change my life. Nope, the problem with those lists is that they can't possibly inform everyone on what they "should" be doing. Those lists about self-care are a bit oxymoronic in that self-care is just that, working for yourself on figuring out what it is that you need in this ridiculously overwhelming world to best improve your quality of life. Unfortunately, I don't have the magical answer that's going to make your life feel the way you want it to, only you do.

What I can help with is the process of getting you to a point where you're figuring this out for yourself and doing the work on your own. So laying down one cold truth that I think we grapple with in society today, is often there are no quick fixes and that life is a series of continuous ups and downs, like waves in the ocean. I'm here to help you build and learn how to fix your own boat when the weather gets too rough and the waves too high rather than waiting on someone else to come in and tell you how you "should fix it". Here are the starting points for doing this work and learning these skills.

1. List all of the things you enjoy/enjoyed doing in your life.
2. List all of the things you need more of in your life.
3. List all of the things you need less of in your life.
4. Look over your lists and choose at least one of those things you TRULY in your heart of hearts know would be possible to implement.

It a starts with one step and often that needs to be the smallest, easiest step in order for us to believe in ourselves and that self-care is doable and important. So for example, that one small first step could be as simple as going through your old mail and getting rid of anything you don't need. If that one little step is going to help you feel more grounded and connected within your home environment, then that's the start I'm talking about. Larger steps like, "improving my relationship with my partner" will probably require a bit more energy and time. You may want all the things to feel and be improved right now and I get it, I fall into that trap myself at times. I find that a helpful reminder when that happens is that that need for immediate gratification is a product of the immediacy of the society in which we live. Change takes time, patience and perseverance, so let's start reinforcing that boat.

In Care,
Amanda

  
   This time of year, many places in America "fall back" which results in an earlier nightfall than the long lit nights of summer. While this time of year often causes people to struggle to muster up the energy to keep up with the constant rhythmic chaos of life's demands, it's an important opportunity to assess the meaning of this lack of energy.
   We need to look at our origins prior to artificial lighting and how this has led us to believe this is the rule rather than the exception. We once were a society that rose with the sun and slept with the stars. The coldest and darkest months were a time of rest and focusing inward. This time of year can be a great opportunity for just that. It doesn't likely mean ditching the nine to five entirely, but here are some ways to embrace inward focus without fully submerging. In other words, being able to practice and focus on much needed self-care while also maintaining careers, relationships and other tasks.

1. Eat a rainbow of color offered in the form of fresh fruits and vegetables.

2. Stay hydrated, lack of hydration surprisingly can zap one's energy.

3. Push yourself to get some form of physical activity either within or outside the home. It's important to embrace the idea that any bit of physical activity outside of one's normal routine is beneficial. Aim for five minutes a day and go from there!

4. Find creative outlets within the home, such as writing in a journal. Utilize these outlets to process and discuss what a "focus inward" means to you. Again, this is a great place to start small, you don't have to aim to write a novel or any wonderful piece of literature. The goal is to write something meaningful to you and process your feelings.

5. Embrace stillness, curl up with a book or watch a movie. Focus solely on plan at hand. If the plan is to read a book, do just that for a set amount of time with no other distractions, such as electronic devices.

6. Allow time for re-assessment of your experiences and life, which will hopefully lead to a better understanding of oneself and what you need. Within that, think about the upcoming year and choose one word you would like to use to define it.  Think about what would need to change in order to accomplish this.

7. Incorporate some form of meditation, start small. Start with two minutes daily. This can include being still and pushing intruding thoughts from the mind. Most people who begin this process find that even two minutes can be challenging. If this is the case for you, start smaller. It's all about finding what works for you specifically.

8. Continue to socialize, even when this is challenging and you don't feel like you have the energy to do so. It's important to push through these feelings, often times when we give into these feelings it's easy for this to become the prevailing pattern.

9. Conversely, make time to tune out. Choose a day or time frame once a week to disconnect from your phone.

10. Get outside.

Balance is a key ingredient to anything we choose to take on in our lives, unfortunately, this is often something with which we struggle. Without balance it is easy for us to submerge and to engage in less effective ways of coping that result in potentially detrimental effects on our lives. You deserve to focus on your self-care, remember that. In balance!

     The holidays can bring many mixed emotions, especially if you've ever lost someone special to you. While the holidays should be a time of joy, those who have experienced a loss may find these times difficult and emotionally complex. This time of year often serves as a stark reminder of the loss, which is ever present throughout the year. Although, typically more challenging throughout the holidays, especially if it's the first holiday following the loss. The holidays often times serve as a reminder that it's time to see friends and family, so when one person is missing from this tradition it can evoke many different feelings.
      During this time of the year it's important not only to celebrate the joy of the holidays, but also honor the losses in our lives. Some examples of honoring these losses might include the creation of shared family story or a photo book about the honored person, demonstrating how the loss has effected each family member, allowing each member to share what they remember about the individual, both positively and negatively. It's important with this activity to be open and listen non-judgementally to what each person is saying. If this seems too challenging, sometimes some individual processing can be helpful by writing a letter to the honored person expressing your feelings. This can sometimes help make sense of our feelings. It may be helpful to share this letter and talk about it's contents with a trusted person. Some examples of activities for younger children might include offering them the opportunity to draw a picture, sculpt a scene or play a scene out with toys depicting what they remember about the person's influence on their lives. Another possibility is to choose something symbolic to honor the person by lighting a candle, making something out of paper and throwing it in the fireplace or buying or making a favorite food of the honored person to serve around the holidays.
      Often times it's believed that if we don't discuss things that are emotionally charged they'll disappear. They don't, they tend to emerge in other ways through various unhealthy behaviors if these feelings remain unprocessed. Some examples of these unhealthy behaviors may take the form of aggressiveness in children or excessive drinking in adults. If these already mentioned activities seem too challenging, they aren't the only thing you can do to help yourself. The most important thing is finding ways of coping with the loss that are helpful to you. Connect with a close friend or family member and talk. Talking can sometimes be a beneficial way to process feelings and make sense of your experiences.
     Discussing losses around the holidays, can be emotionally challenging in the moment. Doing this may seem as though it's putting a damper on the holidays, but it will help with long term mental health by acknowledging and talking about who and what everyone is thinking. Also, the overall importance of self care during this time can't be overlooked. Be sure you are getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, drinking enough water and exercising regularly. If you or someone you know has tried to work through the grief of losing a loved one, but is struggling a great deal with the loss.  It might be helpful to consider therapy, which can be an important piece in the healing process.